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Oh yeah, the dreaded p-word.  We have a long and complicated relationship, procrastination and I do.  Apparently it moved in for the month of June and I didn’t even notice!  But here’s what I do notice: I have been letting other voices become my music.  Hm…probably the result of too much media making my head busy with the chatter of others.  Hence, I have been avoiding writing blog posts because I can’t hear myself well enough to write anything down.  So I’m writing this down instead.

When I created my first few songs, I had to stop listening to music – any music – for about a week before I could hear my own melodies and let them come through.  I had to get out all the Joni Mitchell and Dar Williams and Jonatha Brooke and all the other women whose music I thought, “I wish I could write like that”.  Turns out I just had to write like me.

Tomorrow I begin the Artist’s Way week 4 assignment that I have been a-a-avoiding since week 4, which was over a week ago – the dreaded media diet.  It’s officially a reading diet, but I don’t really read all that much truth be told.  I do watch way too many DVD’s of Charmed (don’t judge), surf the internet, listen to music and podcasts and even the radio (when I must listen to something and don’t have anything else to listen to).  And I have to stop doing it.  Oy – it’s hard!  Well, no it’s not, actually.  To quote the team at Whole 9 (a fitness blog that intrigues and frightens me) and regain some perspective: “It is not hard.  Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Giving up heroin is hard. Beating cancer is hard.  Drinking your coffee black [or turning off the damn iPod].  Is. Not. Hard.”  And yet I actually felt the anxiety creep in this afternoon when I’d had too much quiet.  But it must be done.  It must, I say!  Then maybe I can hear the blog posts and other creative juices that are waiting to be drawn out.

In other news…home in five days!!!  Yippee!!!!  Get ready for the love, Sacramento, ’cause it’s comin’ your way.  I will miss the glorious skies here, though.  Here’s a taste (made a weence more dramatic by the Hipstamatic-ness).

Lens: Roboto Glitter

Film: Ina’s 1969

dear God I never know you so surely

as when I’m in a shaded wood

drawn into the numinous dusk of that leafy canopy

asphalt hides you from me, city drains me too quickly

but hit the dirt and I can go for miles

treading the soil, crunching the leaves of life coming full circle

dear God, I will capitalize your name and thank you

when the frogs symphonize in the half-light

and the drowned pond stirs alive with song

yes God, I will look up from my myopic daze, my narrow depression

to see how the white oak shelters the robin

and the magnolia stretches her glossy thickness across my shady path

yes I will know you when the brook

careens along the slippered river rock

and tickles my ragged toes

how can I fear man when I see you everywhere

in the moss, in the bricks

in the eyes of my leftside stranger or the laughter of a child at play

dear God, rouse me from the human dreams

of fear and greed and hate

rock my shoulder and bring me back

to the water

the wind

the shelter of an ancient elm

lay me down in fields of green

as fireflies alight on the thick night air

and guide me home

The Author

This is a site about saying yes to life - written by a multi-passionate rock star who loves to take life between her fists and kiss it full on the mouth.

"Make my boy realize that, at the end of the everlasting why, there is a yes. And a yes and a yes!"
- Mr. Emerson,
A Room With A View